Attack of the Mush: Reslilience

A friend asked me, “After 3 years of waiting and then getting your heart broken, how close are you on being jaded?” I simply replied, “I am and forever will be a hopeless-romantic.” I don’t know why I replied with such pessimism but I knew it was the truth. I just need time to heal but I know in time I will be able to bounce back better than before.

***

I recently confirmed my long standing suspicion that ze ex has been seeing someone else right after we broke up. Actually, a few days after we parted ways, he has been meeting up with an old “friend.” He had always denied that there was anything going on between them but yesterday everything was clarified. He is now in a relationship with this guy. More than anything else, the seeming betrayal was the most painful. Yes, I do still feel something for him or at least I did. Now, it’s pure hate and disgust on the stupidity that I allowed myself to be the victim of a love that started with nothing but lies. He always lied to me, even then. He was a master of this art. And I, intelligent guy that I am, was played. Goes to prove that the smarter you are, the more stupid you become when you fall in love. I shall not go into the details since I am still trying my able best to actually be the nice person here. I could have done so many things to hurt him back but thankfully, I was brought up by my parents to be kind and understanding even if it’s hard to. I just figured that if I did plot my revenge a lot of people will be affected by it and I cannot bare that on my conscience. And so, I am doing the next best thing… to let go and detach myself from him. Difficult, yes but if I don’t I’ll never be able to open my heart and mind to the possibility that not all men are bastards. Some of them are just born cruel.

I shall keep waiting, dreaming, hoping and dreaming that someone out there is the right person for me. Someone I can share whatever life I have with. Someone out there who will try and avoid breaking my heart into a million pieces and then breaking them again into little more manageable pieces. I was perfectly content 3 years ago before he came and now I am in the slow agonizing process of healing once again. Still, I know I can do this. The heart, after all, is resilient.

And just to prove how resilient it is, I’m up for coffee, a nice dinner and a movie for anyone willing to have a good time with a person desperately trying to move on. Or we can go straight to bed, that might be a good way to speed things up. (Kidding!)

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo

Attack of the Mush: On Craziness

While I was browsing the ever-so-time-consuming Facebook, I saw my ex (the first one) with his current and I must zay they are looking so cute. Holding hands while posing for a photo. Damn! I hate happy relationships!



I know! I know! It sounds bitter but just like my newest ink reminds me (that) “Amantes sunt Amentes” which is Latin for Lovers are Lunatics! And so indeed we are! And last night was a true testament on how crazy I am.



It was late, maybe around 11ish when I decided to turn-in and focus on Michael Scott’s 3rd installment of the Nicholas Flamel series --- The Sorceress, which Vicky and I are absolutely addicted to. We are in fact planning to by the last installment of the book later. And while I was engrossed reading what will happen to Perenelle and the twins of the legend, my mobile rang. And yes, it was ze ex. It took me a few seconds to contemplate whether or not I’ll pick up but alas, this story would have no sense if I didn’t. Knees shaking, arms trembling, I tried and kept my voice as nonchalant as possible. He said he was at my condo and asked if he could come up my unit to visit. Trying to still keep any emotion away from my voice, I said, “Yes!” Now before you get your panties in a wad, nothing remotely sexual happened. We talked. Ok, maybe hugged for a few seconds. Alright, minutes! But that was just it. He said he missed me and wanted to see me. And to be honest, I missed him too.



He was in and out of my place in less than 10mins. Any minute longer and it would have spelled trouble for both of us. I keep asking why had to come. I keep asking what it is that he wants from me and all he could say was that he wanted to be friends. It was then I realized I wanted what we had before or none at all. It was then I made a conscious effort to stop loving him. I could not be his friend, not now at least. So it’s either we get back together or have nothing to do with each other at all. After he left, I kept thinking what was different and then it dawned upon me… he’s too much of a coward to even take the risk of getting back together. It also came as a surprise that after waiting for so long to see him, when I finally did… I felt nothing. I felt no anger, no pity, no warmth, and no happiness. Nothing.



I realized that waiting is the most important thing that you can do for love… but it proved to me one thing…



As it goes it can also…



Change your mind!

Love letters and idealism by Noel Abelardo